Highly Strung

Her: So, just to let you know I will be getting my eyebrows done for the wedding (our brothers wedding).

Me: OK

Her: And I’ll also be dying my hair again and getting a haircut

Me: Riiight, and you’re telling me this because?

Her: Well I just want you to be prepared for the fact that you’ll be the less good looking twin…

This is a placeholder for your letter – do it!

We need the third to complete the three musketeers…

Can I call you Bec? You don’t know me, but I know you. God I sound like a stalker. Actually I’m you at thirty three years old. What can I say. I have lots of advice for you, but not sure I should give it to you. You know space/time continuum and all that…I’m sure it will be fine.

Firstly you are more beautiful than you think you are. Make the most of it. Work harder, you always were a bit lazy! If you work more now then there’ll be more opportunities later. Boys are stupid. Don’t worry about them. If they’re worth it they’ll come to you. Who cares if you don’t have a boyfriend, at least you’ll have some self respect. You were right about clothes though…they do matter! Take more risks, join some clubs and spend less time working in that damn shop! One more thing-speak less and listen more.

But you know I can’t give you too much advice because I still don’t have all the answers. I’m different now, but I’m still the same. Too much navel gazing and not enough looking up at the world. I still suffer from insecurity just about different things.

You’ll be happy to know you have achieved several of your life goals and almost on time. You got your degree and postgrad. Became a teacher-whoa where did that one come from? And actually I think you’re a good one! Married at 26 to a genuine, kind and slightly cynical guy. Two children by 33-one boy and one girl of course. So now my guilt is largely centred on my parenting skills. (Pause to look guiltily at Luke aged 2 and a half glued to Blues Clues and six month old Lara rolling on the floor at my feet trying to eat a plastic bag.) I must just pause here to rave about gorgeous children. They are both blonde with clear blue eyes and cheeky smiles. So nice to be blessed with beautiful, charming children. Anyway being a parent-not easy and sadly not paid in monetary terms. I’m sure I’ll be writing to you again in ten years to tell you to make the most of them when they are young because they grow up too quickly! Which reminds me start trying for kids earlier. I won’t say why-just trust me.

Have to tell you the world is different. You know how you used to worry about nuclear war, well now we worry about terrorist attacks. Can’t say too much, but some people are very pissed off with the US and have employed “terror tactics” in retaliation. Language like suicide bomber, jihad and smoking gun have become part of the world’s lexicon. You only to have say September 11 to evoke a whole series of violent and tragic images, not to mention a storm of controversy and opinion. Enough said about that. Suffice to say the world is as conflicted and violent as it ever was. Technology unsurprisingly has taken off. For example; cellphones not landlines, email not letters and dvds not videos. Of course even as we speak these are becoming outdated. The information super highway AKA the net is a great time waster and dubious research method. Global warming is still in vogue, but seems to have very little impact on my everyday life, so that’s one less thing to worry about.

There’s so much I could tell you, but not enough time. So I’ll leave you with these bits and bobs. Shakespeare is still cool and relevant. We still read actual books. You will be happy and life is good.

Love me.

You’re 18 in your second year of university, at this stage you’re not quite sure of your place in the world. You spend a lot of time trying to fit in. Don’t try so hard, some of the best people you’ll meet later in life will be those who’ve never fitted in. If you put as much energy into your dreams as you did into trying to mould yourself in other people’s image you’d be a lot happier.

If only you knew that the way you look now will be something you grow into, you’d spend a lot less time worrying that no one will ever find you attractive. You won’t always be a gawky shy girl, one day you’ll appreciate your skinny legs and non existent stomach. Your ankles are not as bad as you might suppose. Why do you cover your body in baggy t-shirts and jeans? you’ll waste a lot of time trying to cover up what you’ll later consider to be your best assets.

Wouldn’t it be a good idea to start exercising? Sure your nervous energy takes care of any excess weight you might otherwise accumulate, but if you could just see past your teenage awkwardness you could find that exercise suits you. You don’t realise how much benefit it brings to your physical and emotional life. Don’t waste the next ten years joining and quitting so many gyms, stay with it, it’s worth it. Put more energy into surfing

Be bolder, what does it matter if someone thinks you are a little odd? Move on, find someone who appreciates your dry humour. Go up and talk to that person sitting on their own in the varsity café, what do you have to lose? Don’t take life so seriously, you’re young why do you need to invest so much emotional energy in worrying? You think too much, stop thinking and start doing. Experiment with alcohol, sex and drugs, it will save you time doing it later when you really should be thinking about growing up a bit and getting an interesting job. Stop trying to look after your sister so much, she can look after herself. It’s not your job to make sure she’s not drinking too much.

Leave the car at home tonight, forget the role you’ve cast for yourself. You are not a watcher, you’re a doer, you just don’t know that yet. Don’t stand on the periphery letting your sister be the life and soul of the party for both you, take your turn. Dance like a fool, drink so much your head gets spinny, throw up in a hedge. Confess you are in love with the guy who sits next to you in 18th Century Drama, or don’t, but do something. Snog a friend, snog a stranger, call a friend the next day and pretend to be mortified.

Get used to people looking at you, it’s not going to stop any time soon. Enjoy the impact you and your sister have when you go out together, have fun with it. Dye your hair blonde and grow it long, wear short skirts, and low cut tops, if you can’t do it now, when can you? Start smoking but quit before you are 20. Smoke grass and giggle for hours on end, enjoy it while you can, then grow out of it.

Know that although your parents think they’re always right – they are not. Stand up to them more, rebel. Come home at 4am, missing your jumper and one earring. Throw up on the bathroom floor then fall asleep with half your clothes on, still wearing one shoe. Waste your youth – that’s what it’s for. Stop trying to control your environment, you can’t control everything.

Take heart, one day you’ll be everything you wanted to be, you’ll believe you are a good person, you’ll have confidence in the way look and in the way you are, people will respect your individuality. In the meantime stop trying to hide it, worry less, smile more, laugh lines look better than frown lines.

As related by a friend:

The other night was the first of the big DJ nights for the Summer, and I had invited some people from work (temp job) which I must learn not to do – worlds collide and all that. Just as they arrived and I was doing the kiss-kiss hello, I get a call, which in noisy club and a drunken state I’m have trouble understanding, so I am repeating it out loud.

It went a little something like this:

‘Hi Caz and Caitlin great to see you, oh hold on’(answers phone) ‘you what? Tell Gary he has to what? Sorry did you say arrested? You and Martin have both been arrested? What the Fuck for? Only you could be arrested on your way to the Seven 11 – fucken morons! – Sorry Caz I just need to pop down stairs’ I was kind of hoping that perhaps C & C hadn’t heard me, but Caz did shout out after me ‘ I’m a lawyer ya know’!

So Aaron and a friend Martin were arrested on the way to the Seven 11 for
smoking a joint. Then another friend Al was arrested for J walking!
Aaron is being made to attend a ‘drug diversion course’!

Conversation with a colleague yesterday:

Me: So, I’ve just realised it was world blogging day yesterday, and I missed it.

Him: Really, but what would you write that would be of interest to anyone else? Today I saved the world, again, overdosed on smack on the way home, but i feel fine now. Invented the tractor?

Me: Funnily enough my grandad invented the tractor.

Him: Really?!?

Me: Noooo

What is the word for fear of concrete? Having conducted a brief search of da interweb no definition has been forthcoming. Does this give me free reign to invent one?

Of course it’s not actually concrete I’m afraid of, it’s concrete mixers. I don’t like walking past them because I am afraid they will suddenly spew concrete over me either making me into an instant statue or suffocating me. I do realise that concrete does not harden that quickly, but it’s not called irrational fear for nothing you know.

A good time was had by all at yesterdays citizenship ceremony and particulalry afterwards. The only resulting injury aside from a near choking incident at dinner was a bruised tip of the nose. Mine unfortunately. Looks a bit stupid.

Today – rather momentously I am going to the gym for a workout. I’ve only been going once a week recently – and only cycling to work 2 or 3 times as well. Still, in light of the fact that I have managed to misplace half a stone somewhere it’s probably best if I exercise less for a while.

This weekend I made a concerted effort to eat healthily (as opposed to only eating filled pasta as an evening meal). It worked out very well:

• Stir fried veges and mash on Friday night (3 glasses of wine and a pint of Staropramen Dark)

• Grilled salmon and veges on Saturday night (half a bottle of wine and 2 bottles of Corona)

• Sunday; 3 bean chili with crème fraiche and cheese (half bottle of wine and 1 can of John Smiths).

So, an incredibly healthy menu, however there does seem to be something I’m not quite doing right, I can’t quite put my finger on it.

I have almost fully unpacked, I have nearly all of the home comforts (although no cheese grater), I even have pets. Albeit slow moving, slightly creepy pets, but I don’t need to feed them and they don’t require much attention, in fact I can totally recommend snails as a fuss free alternative to an actual house pet.

It’s not just my accomodation that has changed recently and not to put a jinx on it or anything, but I can now exclusively reveal I am somewhat less than single at present. We’re having a great time at the moment and long may that last. Due to a propensity during the last couple of years toward not overthinking but rather just doing, I’m not going to write much more than this. Suffice it to say – that I am pretty pleased with the situation at the moment.