Highly Strung

Overheard by the boyf in a pub this afternoon:

Woman no. 1: I need to get some of those skinny jeans

Woman no. 2: You need to get yourself a skinny waist first..

Calling a friend in Australia:

Me: Hi, can I speak to Vic please

Vic’s Nephew: What?

Me: Can I speak to Vic please?

Him: I’m sorry I’m English I can’t understand what you’re saying….

Who exactly was the mad woman who sent the following drunken text?

‘I really like you, am not just saying that cos am pissed’

Yes it was in fact me, what am I, 12? Maybe I should have had my friend go up to his friend and say ‘my mate likes you’.

I also drunken dialed – twice. Note to self – remove sim card at start of evening.

(I meant every word though)

Don’t let anyone tell you a root canal doesn’t hurt. My first mistake was believing him when he said the digging out part had been done so there was no need for anaesthetic. Ten minutes later I’m experiencing mild pain, thinking I can handle this, twenty minutes later it’s going ok and I feel quite proud of myself. 5 minutes later and my hands have involuntarily flown to my face, my throat is burning, one of my nasal passages feels like its on fire, I can’t breathe and I’m choking on an acidic liquid which is sliding down my throat.

The dentist flushes out my throat and tells me it’s a dental bleach which cleans out the root of the tooth. He then says he’ll use the mouthwash instead, the moment its applied an intense pain starts and then starts to intensify to the point where a tear has rolled out of the corner of each eye. Again he flushes the tooth after 30 second of me thrashing about obviously in pain. After he’s flushed the wash away I say – that was very painful (an understatement, i actually meant to say; what the fuck was that? you motherfucker.), and he says that wasn’t painful, it was uncomfortable. I reply – nooo, that was definitely painful and he says, nooo, uncomfortable, and I say, uncomfortable for you, bloody painful for me.

Fortunately it got a lot less painful after that and finished without too much incident. It’s still throbbing a bit but I am being a brave wee soldier – helped somewhat by my self medicating with nurofen and white wine.

…to eat chocolate, fa la la la la.

Someone bought in a massive tin of Roses this morning, and whilst it’s no match for Lindor – my view is; any port in a storm. Therefore I have eaten at least 10 of them over the course of this morning.

The fascist gym instructor who conducted the gym class today is obviously also of the opinion that Christmas is for chocolate eating, I can think of no other explanation for the cruelty he displayed at lunchtime today. 1.5 minutes is clearly a crazy long time to spend doing the plank, similarly 40 seconds is way too long to do the side plank. I will, no doubt, hurt tomorrow.

It’s supposed to get quieter at work prior to Christmas is it not? Not for me, it’s not so much a volume of work, but rather just a number things which may be difficult to pull together before the end of the week.

Root canal straight after work tomorrow. The second dentist has quoted a cheaper price and says I don’t need a crown, but I really won’t know until he has a dig around tomorrow. It will be a real relief to get a it sorted before the break though.

I’m afraid I’ve gone and done it – I’ve bought footless tights. However in my defence I plan to wear them with boots, so no-one will actually be able to discern my guilty secret. I reckon that if the tights do not have feet, then they will tend to fall down less – I shall test this theory this very evening.

I only stayed till 9pm, so I didn’t get to see any of this, however eyewitness accounts have painted a fairly accurate picture for me.

- one of the new guys who told me yesterday afternoon he’d not be staying too long because office parties are a minefield, got drunk, fell over and left without his coat, keys and oystercard.

- a fellow of indeterminate sexuality kissed one of the male bosses, licked another male colleagues ear and attempted to kiss another of his bosses – who told him to fuck off.

- a young colleague turned up this morning in yesterdays clothes and blushed violently when we pointed it out to him

- another guy emailed his team leader at 4.37am to say he would be late in this morning

All in all a proper work night out…

In other news, if someone threw a squeezy stress ball at you and it hit you in the throat, would you give it back?

So apparently Beer and Bear are not pronounced the same way. Beer is pronounced Bee-ah. Also ear and air – similar story. However this whole thing does beg the question, how does one pronounce; hair, hear, hare and here??

A rather brilliant idea was revealed to me last night in the most obvious arena for brilliant ideas – the pub. Having previously discussed the Kirses family Christmas Sandwich* concept, the boyf had a brainwave which I shall document here.

I give you; the Christmas Pizza! To be assembled, cooked and consumed on Boxing day.

Ingredients:

1 x Pizza base

Leftover turkey or chicken

1 chopped onion

1 mozarella

Leftover stuffing

Caramelised onion relish

To assemble:

Spread caramelised onion relish over the pizza base. Scatter leftover bird, onion, balls of stuffing, and shreds of mozzarella over the base.

Cook in a hot oven for 15-20 minutes.

We’ve not tried this yet as the idea is newly hatched, but expect a review after Christmas at some point.

*The Christmas Sandwich consists of bird, stuffing, cheddar and tomato relish on brown bread.