Highly Strung

Conversation with my boss:

Me: Nooooo don’t turn the fan on I’m freezing!

Him: what you wanna do is take a walk around the block then coem back in.

Me: Um yeah, only thing is, if I leave the building there’s a fair chance I won’t come back…

Can I just set the record straight? I am not and have never been Hamish Peterson. For all of you CMS Sites out there which think I am, all I have to say is; fuck you and the cold fusion code you rode in on…

Have I mentioned that my current project is making me a bit unhinged?

Today I was sitting in a meeting with 12 other people and at one point I was so frustrated by the tedium of it that I wondered what would happen if I threw my half full bottle of water at the head of the person sitting at the other end of the table. But then I thought it would better if i aimed for his body cos I’m a rubbish shot, and then I thought I better do neither because i’d probably get fired..

I have become addicted to Metcheck, I figure its probably just because its been raining for two months, every day I live in hope that the next will be sunny and warm. This summer is screwing with my cycling and costing me a fortune in Oystercard topup.

In other news I’ve been overly emotional this weekend, so much so that a sad book I was reading today made me cry twice (her husbands dies!), as did a terrible episode of One Tree Hill – what am I like?

Ok we have checked our regular weather sites in detail. We’ve rationalised and over analysed the options and unfortunately it’s come down to: we are not riding tonight. Torrential rain is forecast for throughout the night. It rather defeats the purpose of doing this if its wet the entire way..that is, it strips the fun out of it. It’s a shame though – maybe next year…

A couple we cycle to work with now and then are still going ahead with it, so we’ll cycle with them down to London Fields for the off at least, and then cycle back up to North London to carry out plan B, getting pissed and having a curry. To assuage our collective consciences we’ll take a ride tomorrow with the cycle buddy we were going with and I guess we’d better make it count..

In a mere 48 hours me, the boyf, and a mate are taking off from Hackney East London bound for Dunwich, Suffolk. Am I concerned about the 120 miles in between those destinations – yes somewhat. Am I concerned enough to cut out the drink between then and now – yes somewhat – but I do have a glass of wine in my hand…

In my defence its been quite a tense week work wise. Seems that lately I’ve been having a mental meltdown every few weeks. Not without just cause either – it’s just been really pressured lately. Today was definitely a good day as we made some important steps forward, however there was an open bottle of wine in my fridge and a thirsty Boyf just up the road awaiting my arrival – what could I do? I packed my supplies for Saturday (clothes, inner tubes, energy drink, thermo cup, etc), bundled the wine into a secondary rucksack and pedaled up the road.

Now here we sit watching Tour de France ‘highlights’ which unfortunately include much coverage of Rasmussen’s unfortunate exit. Rest assured the Boyf and I have not been using performance enhancing drugs in advance of Saturday’s ride..it’s just a bit of fun you know.

So this week I will be mostly being nervous and somewhat unprepared for the 120 mile bike ride I’m doing on Saturday night/ Sunday – The Dunwich.

This time next week I will have arrived home after riding all night and will no doubt be dog tired..no room for insomnia there then…

The first half; as dark as a cold afternoon in mid winter, thereafter torrential rain and flash flooding. The second half; bright sunshine…it's like the end of the world is nigh – or something.

Like any mental affliction I regard insomnia as a weakness in myself (but funnily don’t judge others for it). However rationalising insomnia by telling myself that there is no earthly reason for it, does not work whilst in the throes of it. Given the amount of time i was awake last night I had plenty of time to think about why this was happening to me unfortunately the conclusion i reached was that there are no reasons – it just is what it is.

The Boyf thinks it has something to do with him, it doesn’t, its just much more obvious when he’s around.. A normal night for me involves waking up at least twice if not more. Sometimes I get up and try a change of scenery – the couch, others I just have a pee and then go back to bed. An abnormal night involves me waking around midnight and then being unable to go back to sleep for up to 4 hours or conversely sleeping the entire night through (this kind of night only follows either a very sleepless night or jet lag).

By way of taking the positives I have noted that the severe bouts I have been suffering lately have lessened to one night a week, which is making a difference and is almost manageable. I don’t think I can cure this but hopefully I can learn to worry a little less when it does happen. After all, the next day is never as bad as I fear it will be.