The line is blurred

January 31, 2008

I am yet again struggling to come to grips with my number and by that I mean how many birthdays I’ve had. I won’t call it age because that holds negative connotations. The problem I am having was highlighted last weekend by a visit from the Boyf’s niece; a young lady who I prefer to think of as my cousin as obviously I am far too young (immature/irresponsible) to be of an age where I might be an aunty to a 15 year old.

I don’t mind being Aunty to my 2 year old and 3 year old niece and nephew – I’ve accepted that. However, they are teeny, tiny, wee people. My two year old niece does not, for example, wear the same style skinny jeans as I do, she does not wear higher heels than I have ever worn, she does not wear black eyeliner every day and she most certainly does not have bigger boobs than me. Sadly this causes me to behave as though we were more of an age to be friends, of course the folly in this is that I am frequently reminded when she is around of just how much older I have become without really noticing.

Having said all that I still wouldn’t swap being 34 for being 15, sure they seem a lot more confident than I did at that age, but they still can’t get served in pubs and probably believe having spots is the worst thing that could happen to them of a weekend. Just wait till they’re still getting them post 30, I think they’ll discover life’s too short to worry about it.


Celeb spots

January 28, 2008

a-woohoo I just found £10 in my wallet – it appears I have £30 till Friday – o happy day!

In other news I saw Kelly Osbourne in Selfridges on Saturday, this top spot was made all the sweeter by the fact that I was with the Boyf’s 15 year old niece at the time and it really made her day. As for Kelly herself she was obviously trying to fly under the radar by wearing unobstrusive clothing – not! In fact she was at her fashion victim best in white Raybans (cos her future’s so bright, she’s gotta wear shades), skinny jeans, a black PVC bomber jacket and here’s the best bit – a bowler hat. I actually quite like bowler hats, but lets just say, they don’t suit everyone…

Also saw Andy Serkis (LOTR, King Kong etc) and his wife Lorraine Ashbourne (some BBC stuff) (both actors) on the W7 to Finsbury Park.


Not at home now love

January 27, 2008

On March 17th this year it will be 14 years since I left New Zealand at the tender age of 20, an age at which I thought I was grown up already, an at age at which I now think a person is barely formed (god, I’m so old). For 13 of those years I’ve lived right here in London, all over London in fact, even deepest darkest East London. However in all those years I’ve never seen a musical, I know, very remiss of me. Last night I saw Hairspray which was an all singing all dancing cheery sort of thing, well worth it I reckon. The experience was only marred by having to sit next to a couple of members of the great unwashed public, one of whom had removed her shoes? What the fuck? where did she think she was exactly? I wouldn’t have noticed except they really smelt bad…


From N10 to SW8

January 25, 2008

It’s pitch black when we set off and bloody freezing (4 degrees I believe).  My bum bones feel bruised from my first go at the 10 mile ride to my new workplace yesterday.  I actually can’t quite believe I found the motivation to do this, especially for a second day in a row and on a Friday.  Me and the Boyf cycle at a companionable pace along the normal route to my old job (where he still works).  It’s a quiet 6 miles in to the West End.  The first stage is a non talking stage, a busy winding narrow road followed by a short sharp hill with a long downhill on the other side.  We emerge onto a quiet side street with chapped faces from the downhill blast but warm bodies from the sharp climb.  Thereafter we amble in to town, through Tufnell park, skirting Camden then on to Kings Cross.  Road works hold us up slightly then we’re on to the cycle lanes.  A quick kiss goodbye on New Cavendish street and I’m on my own. 

I cycle steadily on through to Marylebone and left down to Oxford street.  Several buses block me in as I approach Marble Arch.  I wind in and out between them until I sit in front them at the lights.  Left down park lane I leave the road at the Animal War memorial and cycle as fast as possible through Hyde Park.  An icy wind hits my left side.  Exiting the park I shoot across the bike crossing on to Knightsbridge, taking the first opportunity to turn left I cut a large corner off to pop out half way up Sloane street.  From there I merge as best I can with trucks and cars around the Sloane Square one way system.  Then it’s left on to the long straight leading to Chelsea bridge.  Hop on to the footpath over the bridge, join the cycle lane.  Crazily the cycle lane is interrupted several times by bus shelters.  I’d expect the kerb to lower to allow cyclists to pop on to the road out of the way then back to the cycle lane, however the gap between what I would expect and reality is rather large.  Skirting the bus shelter I carry on, noting the tree in the middle of the cycle lane as I go.  Queenstown Road roundabout proves to be the usual nightmare as drivers pull out in front of me – they know I’ll accommodate them even though they are not giving way to their right as they should.  We all know who would come off second best if I didn’t.

 From there it’s another short straight on a busy road passing Battersea park station then a left onto a quieter road which leads me to the door of the office….annnnd relax….

 I can imagine the ride would be a hell of a lot more fun in summer particularly as when I cycled through Hyde Park last night I realised that a – my bike light is not very strong and b – Hyde park is not well lit.  I really felt like I was taking my life into my hands.  Tiny lights from other bikes flowed toward me and little red blinking lights lined up in front of me, it was spooky to say the least.  A number of pedestrians walked alongside the bike path, I worried that one might have strayed on to the path and I wouldn’t see them until I was on top of them.  I’m not sure whether to go through there tonight but the alternative is to cycle up Park Lane which can be hellishly busy, I guess I’ll decide when I get there.

 All in all it’s a hell of a lot more interesting than tubing to work, and there are no pesky elbows bumping me.  Having to cycle twice as far as I have ever had to commute before is hard but I like the idea that I’m multi tasking.  Ie I’m getting to work and exercising at the same time.  I often feel time on public transport is a bit wasted as you’re really only doing one productive thing…I don’t call reading the Metro and listening to my ipod a good use of time.

Anyway I hope I’m able to keep motivated on this, if I can cope with today’s cold (the wind is biting) I should be able to cope for the rest of winter…we’ll see I guess.


Breakfast

January 24, 2008

I procrastinated so long over what to get for breakfast today that when I finally made it down to the only deli/sandwich shop within a mile radius I came away with a piece of quiche and this:

Banoffee Cheesecake


Micro management

January 22, 2008

A complex set of sums are what is required to carry me through till 1st February:

£40 in my bank account + £45 Boyf owes me + £8 in my purse, budgeted for £35 more on my amex = £129


£25 to join gym

£8 movie with a friend tomorrow night

£20 dinner after

£10 dinner with family on Fri. night

£10 dinner with Boyf’s niece Saturday

£20 misc during shopping with niece Saturday

£10 Sunday lunch with family

£20 misc expenses next week (sandwich makings for lunches)

And the grand total is: £103, which leaves me about £20 for emergencies (emergency social situations that would be). But of course I havent allowed any for groceries so I guess I’ll be eating baked beans, tuna and miso for the next week (contents of the cupboard).


Lunch

January 21, 2008

Brilliant! I have just used my time wisely by watching last week’s episode of Torchwood whilst munching a bar of chocolate – this was marred slightly by the discovery that my Green and Blacks Almond chocolate was best before last November…


Perfectionists …

January 21, 2008

…don’t get depressed.

People’s elbows gently but persistently nudging me on the tube, a colleagues chair squeaking as he intermittently swings back and forth in it, loud voices, louder children, queues, bus drivers going too slowly or driving too cautiously…they all chip away at my fast dwindling patience.

I’m not the happiest of people at the moment and haven’t been for a number of months. I’ve been trying to ignore it in the hopes that it will go away, but little things like becoming tearful at newspaper stories and not being able to watch the news for longer than 5 minutes tell me that I need to acknowledge my unhappiness. Just because I don’t seem to have any particular reason to be unhappy does not stop me from being that way. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and if I could snap my fingers and bring me closer to it – of course I would. But like a lot if things in life, there is no quick fix, I’m just going to have to live with it until one day I wake up and realise I don’t feel this way any more.

Self awareness at this time is not the greatest asset. In fact the pragmatism I feel becomes useless when I consider the abstract nature of it. I can rationalise and consider ways to feel better all I like, but that doesn’t mean I actually will. In some ways it makes it worse because I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself and in doing that I feel like I’m failing.

Still, lets see what a large bar of Green and Blacks Almond milk chocolate can do – a quick fix better than none at all.


I blame the school run

January 18, 2008

so here I am in a jam, (traffic) that is, and due at the doc in a very short space of time. Given that its 4.15 though what are the chances the doc’s appointments are running to time? Am still stressed though.


Fun with apps!

January 17, 2008

I’ve been mucking around with the new phone functionality which allows the user to add web app icons to the homepage. The best one in my opinion is the up to date tube info. Very clean and simple, but the best bit is the url – www.mindtheapp.com.

All in all a lot of fun with all the new stuff in yesterdays update…